Gym after baby and for the first time since 2015… Suck it up.

I’ve been doing floor exercises since June or July (3 or 4 months), slowly getting stronger. Using 5-pound weights for my arms and just doing bodyweight exercises for my legs with some rubber bands. It started off ridiculously slow. I could hardly do 10 of these guys on my left leg.

And I couldn’t (and still can’t) get my leg straight on my right side because of the hip replacement.

It started off incredibly frustrating but I got stronger really quickly. After two weeks of doing floor exercises, I got stronger. That felt really good because I could feel the improvements really quickly.

I moved to a condo with a gym and I went to the actual gym for the first time since 2015 this morning. I had stopped going to the gym in the summer of 2015 (just after I cut out gluten but before the elimination diet and wayyyy before all beef). My physio had told me I was going to hurt myself because of my ankle replacement failing. So I quit. Then I lost all the weight I wanted to lose by going on the original elimination diet so I didn’t even feel like I needed the gym. I knew I was weak but hell I had abs (which I had never been able to get at the gym).

Then I got pregnant and had a baby and destroyed my core (as it does when you stretch out all your abs to hold a human). Slowly built that up (just by waiting and doing some seriously minor ab exercises) before I started the floor exercises.

Anyway, I’ve been avoiding going to a gym because I HATE it. I came up with excuses. I do need an ankle revision surgery (scheduled in January). It does hurt to do leg exercises. But mostly I was avoiding it because it’s frustrating and it’s hard and that is a terrible excuse. So I went today and absolutely hated it again. Not the exercising part. The frustration part. I’ll keep going regardless. And I’ll hate it less every time. I knew the first time would be the worst.

My left leg is SO weak. And my ankle hurts. And I can see the difference between it and my right leg in the mirror. It’s so weak. It’s not weak like before the floor exercises (which I have to keep remembering), but it’s so much weaker than my right. It’s the visual difference that gets to me. And my right ass cheek is weaker than my left because of the hip replacement!!! I have to do all the leg exercises separately on the machines so that I’m working out each side equally or one leg just takes over.

So after the complaining, mostly I wanted to say:

After you fix your diet and get healthier – that takes time, give yourself the time to adapt, go through sugar withdrawal, get into ketosis, and start to heal – start exercising. Start doing things again. It can seriously suck to begin with, especially if you have injuries or you haven’t done it for years, or you’re just permanently fucked in some way. It can seriously suck. Verge of tears frustration about life suck. I don’t get upset easily now that the depression is gone, but it still sucked. That’s not a reason to avoid it. If you’re healthy enough to exercise, force yourself to do it and you’ll get stronger slowly. And suck it up if it sucks. (Mostly talking to myself here). Suck it up because things could be much worse (you could be hallucinating soy demons). After you’re done feeling sorry for yourself (try and keep that to a minimum), turn that frustration and self-pity into determination and anger and tell the cards you were dealt to go fuck themselves.

My goal exercise-wise is to become one of those people with huge asses AND joints replaced. Stay tuned. Might take a while and will definitely be interrupted by a hopefully successful surgery.

🙂